It has taught me compassion, sympathy & empathy.
I knew I was pregnant the night I conceived & The symptoms were almost instant but I held off for a few weeks, purposely waiting to miss my period. A little bit of denial: Secretly, I loved being pregnant… the morning sickness, food cravings & oblivious compliments from strangers who thought I looked glowing; I was equally terrified to take a test knowing what our future will look like.
I fell pregnant the first time I was intimate with my ex. We talked about it. I knew in my gut what I had to do. I didn’t want to, but I had to. Financially I wasn’t prepared & I fiercely believe that a child deserves two loving parents; something I knew my ex was unable to provide.
My ex (originally from Australia) told me he would leave the country if I kept her, yet if I gave her up for adoption he would take her (I’ve always had the strong belief it was a girl). We were together for almost 4 years after the abortion. Throughout that time he would tell me he wanted to marry me and have children with me, he would ask me to stop my birth control only to turn around just as quick and remind me that I made the right choice, that he would have left me if I kept the pregnancy and how we would never work out if I got pregnant now.
Although I’ve never regretted my abortion, his words tormented me & prevented healing, I feel as though he did this to have control over me & I didn’t even realize it until our brutal breakup. My life abruptly changed and I was forced to face my “demons”. Our relationship would have never lasted, no matter how hard I tried to make it work. After everything, I finally felt like I had space to grieve and it flooded in… for the first time I didn’t feel foolish for losing something I’ve want so dearly since I was a girl.
My abortion has taught me that you will never expect to find yourself in the position of making this life changing decision. It has taught me to be a stronger woman. It has taught me compassion, sympathy & empathy. It has taught me to love deeply because sometimes the things you love most don’t stay with you in the physical world.
I often daydream about holding my future baby. I know the infinite love I have for my unborn baby will pay off when the time is right and I am given the chance to be a mother again. When that time comes, I know my will be tenfold.
