I was almost 26, with my life on track. I was doing a Masters in Geneva. I was moving for an internship in Paris at a good firm. My partner (who lives in Singapore) came to visit, and we had unprotected sex. It was a week before my period, and nothing had happened before, so of course nothing would happen again right? I couldn’t have been more wrong.
In the weeks after I realized I had missed my period (which I never do), I was in complete denial. I finally took the pregnancy test 2 weeks after and, no surprises, I was pregnant. I always knew I wanted to have children in the future. But definitely not now. I called the hospital to set up an appointment to begin the abortion process. And thus began the longest 2 weeks of my life.
First appointment: they couldn’t find the embryo. So I had to be run through blood tests and multiple ultrasounds to make sure it wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy. Finally, a week later, I had my appointment to take the first pill for a medical abortion. What followed was a serious bout of nausea. I couldn’t eat anything. Not even a cheeseburger from Macdonalds that I’d been craving.
Last appointment: I took the second pill at the hospital and stayed for the day. Boy, was I glad the nurses insisted that I be hospitalized. I was allergic to Ibuprofen and so they took a while to figure out my pain meds. All the while I thought I would probably expel my whole uterus in the process. I don’t like pain, and this felt like a whole 7 hour marathon of pain. I remember asking the nurse for more pain meds, but I’d hit my limit. The pain wasn’t unexpected, I’d always had painful periods. But this must have been the longest 7 hours of my life. And I did it alone. In a place where I could barely find the words in a foreign language to express how I was feeling.
I chose not to tell anyone, not because I thought I did something horribly wrong. But rather because I felt like this was the biggest failure of my life. (As you can tell, I’m the kind of person that needs to have everything planned and under control). I refused to give any emergency contacts (except my partner’s number, but that was useless since he was 10,000km away in Singapore). It was my secret to keep, and I know the nurses had my interests at heart in trying to persuade me to find someone in Geneva to tell. But I chose to only tell my partner. For me, that was enough. He had a right to know and to be part of the process, if he so chose.
Having gone through this, sitting at my desk, preparing for my exam tomorrow, just barely 2 hours from the hospital, I wanted to pen down my thoughts. To any woman out there thinking about an abortion, you are stronger than you know. I spent the weeks leading up to the abortion scouring the web for anything and everything I could find. It was then that I read so many inspiring stories that reminded me that everything will be ok. I know how hard it is to be on your own for an abortion. I know how the roller coaster ride of the initial few days feels like. But the human spirit is more resilient than we give credit for. It will be ok.
