When it can’t be done….

by Denise

March 15, 2019

Many people think abortions are for the single, very young, struggling woman that simply can’t manage a child. There is a stereotype many people imagine of a female either too lazy or too stupid to use effective birth control. I was on the pill, I took no antibiotics or other meds  that could have affected its’ chemistry. My case was different. I was almost 30, happily married, established in my career and had a 6 month old son we were raising. My infant son had been diagnosed with apnea (crib death in infants) that he spent over a month in the hospital to get diagnosed, was hooked up to a machine with wires that monitored his respiration and heartbeat. When the machine started beeping red and sounded an alarm, we had essentially 10 seconds to begin CPR.

I had made arrangements at the lawfirm where I worked for my son to be in the empty office beside me when he slept and in my office when he was awake. I reduced my work hours so he was not stuck in an office all day. Those arrangements were no longer feasible as with the diagnosis of severe apnea, he needed constant eyes on him.

My husband made less money and we decided he would be the one to stay home. It remains the toughest time of our life.

At 6 months, I learned I was pregnant. There was only panic, not a bit of joy.  As we told relatives, they were sure we could manage and held firm to the belief all babies were a blessing.  I made the decision that given our situation, we could not emotionally or financially take on a baby. We were both so worn thin and sleep deprived, that there was simply no room in our life for another child.  I scheduled and went through with the abortion to the horror of family and friends.

I never had an ounce of regret as it was the right thing. That was 27 years ago and I stand firm in my belief that I did the right thing. I did have another child 5 years later so the myth that abortions harm your body and affect future fertility is simply not true. I am open and honest with my children about the abortion as it is important to me that they know there are options if they ever find themselves in my shoes.


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