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Two days after asking for a divorce for the third time I found out I was pregnant.

by June

August 22, 2018

Content Warning: rape, physical & mental abuse

My husband is not a nice man, he may even be a psychopath, he doesn’t know how to love and he doesn’t know what to do when things don’t go his way. I have left him three times and this will be the last. He has thrown me down, screamed at me, grabbed me hard enough to leave bruises, shaken me and raped me, on top of mentally abusing and manipulating me as well. I would never want to look into the eyes of a child and see half of him looking back at me.

 

I broke up with him a little over a month ago and was about a week or more late for my period. Test after test, it kept coming up negative but I had a feeling that that wasn’t true. I’m glad I had my husband distracted with my leaving instead of worrying about my period that wasn’t going to come. I woke up super early two days after breaking up with him and asking for a divorce, I had one more test left and took it before he woke up. Positive.

 

My husband is “pro-life” for some reason…I don’t think he understands why, but I was raised very liberal and have always supported women in the way of your body, your choice. Regardless, he doesn’t and will never know. But the angry parts inside of me know I have an ace up my sleeve and they day dream about crushing that evil man by telling him what I’ve done. Hey, at least he’d never speak to me again??

 

I made my appointment and was 4 weeks and 6 days pregnant, soon enough to take the pill to flush it out. So that’s what I did, I took the pills and threw away my evidence in the trash can outside of work and went home and said to my husband “boy, I feel like this period isn’t going to be an easy one but it’s coming finally!”…

 

How could it be that easy though…I had the same strange feeling while I was at Planned Parenthood like how I knew I was pregnant even though the tests were negative, that kind of “go figure” attitude. While learning about the pill I kind of felt like, yep, I’ll be that one percent of people that it doesn’t work on… And I was.

 

I went back for my follow up appointment and my HCG levels had almost tripled. I was still carrying this child, almost in the way I was still carrying my husband all this time after trying to leave 2 times prior. It felt impossible. Now in the last month, I’ve learned the pros and cons of two separate abortion methods and I’ve also learned that I have so many supportive, loving people in my life. I’m also very thankful that since I went to my follow up appointment that I didn’t have to pay another $900 for the procedure.

 

In my divorce I’m giving him everything to be able to walk away, even if I have nothing to show for it. But I have the confidence in making the right choice with that and with the termination of my only pregnancy thus far in life. I didn’t hesitate for a second when calling Planned Parenthood. My abortion(s) didn’t and will never define me, but having a child with an awful, evil and hurtful shell of a man would have. I am now able to start fresh for myself and know that I will be okay.

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