To my baby: I did this because I love you

by Anonymous

June 12, 2019

Content Warning: sadness, regret

I cry almost everyday. I regret it because I wanted my baby. I am furious I couldn’t keep my pregnancy. I was 21 preparing to head to vet school. I’m not financially independent from my parents/couldn’t give my baby the stability and life I want to/scared of being judged and disowned for an unplanned baby out of wedlock. The father, my true love, supported my decision because he couldn’t provide at the time either. He was in and out of jail and lost on drug swings. We still want a family after he has been through treatment and I get through vet school. But I miss my baby every day. I hold my stomach, cradle my ultrasound pictures and think of names. The due date is getting close, August 20. There’s no way I could’ve gotten the money and help I needed to raise my baby by this upcoming due date I’m still just as broke and in full swing of summer classes for my degree. Because I chose my career over keeping my baby in order to provide the means to give my future babies the best life ever, I know I can’t quit and must get my license to practice and be successful. That life was not wasted. I love you baby. I’m so sorry and I love you more than anything I’ve ever loved before. I won’t let you or your future siblings down. I wanted you. But not to be in a poor, unstable household. Deep down I know I made correct choice even though I didn’t want to do it. I saved mine and my baby’s life.

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