I started crying happy tears but no one could tell the difference.
I found out I was pregnant October 23rd 2020 when I seen the positive pregnancy test I was in utter shock. My boyfriend was, and still is, extremely pro life which made it difficult for me. When we told his sister the first thing she asked was if I was going to keep it, even though she has a child of her own she understands that I am a college student pursuing a very time consuming degree and she didn’t see me having the time to be pregnant let alone raise a child. But my boyfriend interrupted her with a very fast “we are keeping it.” He didn’t ever give me the chance to voice my opinion on it. Since I live in Florida I had until 23 weeks to get an abortion so I was trying to think of ways to do it where my boyfriend wouldn’t find out. At my first doctors appointment we found out I was 6 weeks and due June 15th. After the appointment I started researching and talking to different clinics about abortion but in the weeks following my first appointment I started getting really bad cramping and I remember praying that something happened to the baby and I wouldn’t have to go behind his back and take care of it. My next appointment came 4 weeks later and the doctor tried to find the babies heartbeat and when she couldn’t the ultrasound machine was pulled out to try to see if something was wrong. Once she found the fetus she checked for a heart beat and couldn’t find one. I hate saying this but I felt happy. I started crying happy tears but no one could tell the difference. For 2 weeks I carried the dead fetus inside of me until I miscarried naturally on January 1, 2021. Losing that pregnancy was the best thing that could have happened to me. I became extremely depressed while I was pregnant and would not eat or leave my room. And after miscarrying I became myself again. Better than I was before. If I could go back and get an abortion earlier, I would have.
