There is nothing to be ashamed of

by Anonymous

September 16, 2022

I never thought it would happen to me, but it did, and that is okay.

I had been on and off with my ex for a year and was so unbelievably fed up. I had met this guy on holiday who was a little older than me and hooked up with him. The first guy I had ever hooked up with. He never wanted to use protection. I asked a few times, but he was always hesitant, and I was feeling very carefree so didn’t argue much. The following morning, I took the morning after pill. We kept seeing each other for the week we had left together and at the end of the week, I took the morning after pill again. In hindsight, this was not good for me or effective use at all. The week with him was fun and relaxed, not something I had been used too with my ex. When we left each other, it felt like a breath of fresh air to have had a care-free fling. The following week, I came home and felt strange. Being a few days late, I took a test. I was pregnant. I knew what my choice was before I even took the test. I was 19, he was 25, he lived halfway across the world and, most importantly, I didn’t want to have a baby at 19. That in itself is enough justification. Within 5 days I began my medical termination and by the following week it was all over. I only told my mum and still don’t feel comfortable sharing it with anyone else. Not because I am ashamed but because it is no one else’s business to have an opinion on and I do not want to hear any opinions.

I think what resonates with me now is not the choice to have an abortion or the abortion itself. More, the lack of understanding I had of my own reproductive organs. The fear I felt when I saw those two lines came from a lack of education on how to deal with what to do next. And a lack of education on contraception. Sometimes I feel angry with myself for not being firmer and insisting he used protection, but I am surrounded by my friends who tell countless stories on how they never used protection, so a relaxed nature was very normal to me. I am not a victim. Yes, I fell pregnant and I, powerfully, chose to have an abortion. That was my decision I am grateful to be able to make. A decision all women should be able to make.

I think my message to anyone reading this would be, you are not alone, and you did nothing wrong. You are a human and sex is no bad thing. I don’t feel ready yet, but one day, I would like to openly talk about my abortion to help end the stigma. This is one step closer. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!