I saw my ex at a pro-choice rally. I know I should’ve been grateful that he was publicly supporting reproductive rights, but all I felt was resentment from the hypocrisy. He was willing to attend a rally to look like an ally, but I’d had his abortion only a few months prior.
At the time, I called him and said I was afraid. He expressed concern that I was delaying his dinner plans. We were recently broken up, after all—I couldn’t expect him to drop everything to comfort me. Maybe he bottled it up and dealt with it in his own way (this is what I tell myself to make it less painful), but he abandoned me in the process. He didn’t offer to go with me to the clinic. I recovered on my own with no one holding my hand in the exam room, nor back at my apartment as I swallowed pill two in a cold sweat while sitting on bathroom floor. He asked me to call him after, but when I did, I was met with silence. No one can prepare you for the heartache and confusion that accompanies an abortion, but I assure you that the worst thing you can say to someone who turns to you for help is nothing. The isolation is hard to put into words: We got there together, but I was in it alone.
In the weeks that followed, he didn’t ask how I was doing, never offered to help with medical bills, and failed to apologize for choosing not to support me during the abortion. I continued giving him the benefit of the doubt; but was ultimately forced to accept that the person I’d once loved the most let me down. I’ve never experienced betrayal like that before—from a man I’d spent years of my life with and thought I knew.
I tell my story in support of anyone who endures the pain of an abortion without the assistance of the partners who helped them get there. You are very brave.
