Stigma

I had just broke things off with my on & off again ex of 2 years and decided to give tinder a try to put myself back out there… turns out I met this awesome guy from another state who had just moved to my state. But I didn’t want anything serious, just someone to talk to occasionally & see. We hooked up about a week later , and then I started realizing how much I didn’t like this guy… he was moving too fast telling me he loved me and all kinds of stuff and asked me to be his girlfriend. For whatever reason I said yes, fast forward a month and I’m staring at a plus sign. “What the heck, I’m on birth control?” what the doctors don’t tell you, antibiotics can make your birth control defective. I didn’t know what to do other than tell him, and we decided to tell the family. A week or two goes by and reality sinks in, I’m actually pregnant, and I’m not ready. I have no job, I live with my grandmother and I barely know this guy!!! I make a trip to a friend of mine to express my concerns because having an abortion was crossing my mind and I knew I couldn’t tell anyone but her. She helped gather the money along with a national federation for funding and I made my appt. I was 10 weeks due by the time it took for me to get the money. Therefore I had to have a surgical abortion, it was honestly among the easier decisions I had made… and the process was easy and over fast. I told everyone in fear of being judged I had miscarried and had to have a d&c. I’ll stick to that story for who knows how long… because there’s so much stigma around abortion… but the crazy thing is. I feel guilty for not feeling guilty. I’m almost indifferent towards it and basically act as if nothing happened, I’m not sure how normal that is. But that’s how I am. I wouldn’t change my decision, it was what was best for me.