So young. So insecure

How could the most popular dynamic boy in high school fall for me…insecure, gangly, from a horrific home where yelling and constant stress was the norm?  I grew up hiding everything, pretending normalcy, traumas daily but projecting myself as the product of a carefree happy girl daily while facing chaos and terror at home almost every evening. I literally had nowhere to turn. But only to make believe to the outside world I was fine and my home life was fine. I was very confused and terrified laying in bed at night while a drunken father abused my mother who never missed a chance to scream and used her babies…too many babies as her defense mechanism. Yet he loved me and his family embraced me and I was so flattered. And honored that a “normal” guy would even look at me, much less be attracted to me, when there were those cute cheerleaders and smart cute girls. Then I was pregnant and we confessed to our parents. Licking-split,  I was flown to Miami for an abortion by a Cuban doctor. This was in the early 60’s when Cubans sought asylum in the U S. I was terrified. Would I face s butcher?  Would I die?  Every emotion turned off.. I only prayed I could survive and not be butchered. Thank god a noble Cuban physician emigrating from Cuba and the Castro regime was forced to perform illegal abortions in Miami. There was no other choice but to undergo this illegal procedure. Save face for my family. I did survive. Otherwise, a back alley butcher would have been my fate. I’m still here in my 70’s now. I will always mourn that child but grateful to have gone on to have a good life and contribute to society in my own way and help others. I could not have done so much if I had s child at 18!