No regrets for either of us

by Anonymous

May 29, 2019

I am a 35 yr old man, a medical professional, and a registered republican. My wife had an abortion and this is how I feel about it. My wife and I just had our 6 year anniversary but have been been in a steady relationship since we were both 19yrs old in college. Before we had kids, she was always on oral contraceptives or I used condoms. Between the incidents of broken condoms, missed doses but of birth control, or alignment in the stars, my wife, who was my girlfriend at the time, became pregnant 3 separate times. She had an abortion each time. We were 19, 21 and 25. And I remember each time vividly. We had long serious discussions and we decided we were not emotionally or financially secure plus a myriad of other reasons that we were not in a place to raise kids. Aside from the reasons, it was never my choice, it was hers. I let her know I would be by her side not matter what decision she made because even though it takes two to make a baby it was still her body.  I went to the clinic each time and waited in the lobby as each pregnancy was terminated. At home I got heating pads to help her cramps, went to the store to get pads for the bleeding and bought her favorite flowers. I told her I loved her and that I didn’t think she was a bad person.


As a man, I will never know what it felt like for her to go through that. For years each of us would have dreams about the children we never had. I specifically had a reoccurring one about a daughter. We have two boys now, 6 and 2yrs old. They are beautiful, strong and we would do anything for them. I’m in a steady career and provide financially for the four of us while my wife works as a full time mom and I definitely think she has the harder job between the two of us. She stays at home for the boys because WE WANT TO RAISE OUR KIDS and child care is so expensive. Also if she did have a paying job, since when do American women get any kind of real maternity benefits. Being parents and trying to be good parents is never easy. We are 35 now and I can’t even imagine what it would be like if we were doing this at 19, 21, or 25 let alone the working low paying jobs at the time living paycheck to paycheck.  Every so often my wife and I will briefly talk about the abortions and she will say to me, “If it wasn’t for them, we would not have our boys”. I agree with her and I am so proud of my wife for taking such a serious and complicated part of our history together and having a positive outlook on it. She is a good mother to our kids and would have been a good mother to the kids we never had but our children can now grow up with the lives we want to give them because we waited until we were ready.  I am a republican man in the medical profession and I will always be Pro Choice.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!