In the beginning of things, I thought my partner and I were both on the same page about being an exclusive item – I was forced to realize otherwise. I found out he cheated in our 2nd month. He and I thought we would give it another chance as he mentioned it was a mistake – but from time to time, I find myself reflecting on if I made the right decision to take him back or not. Regardless, we tried again.
I fell pregnant within the 7th month of our up-and-down journey together. I felt all things unsure but he stayed persistent in keeping the baby. Again, my mind was muddled. How was I going to have this baby if I held on to his mistake that was so undeniably ugly? I knew he would make an excellent father. But my trust needed to be gained.
He hated me for terminating the pregnancy and for that I blamed him. For making me feel unworthy and weak. I was determined to choose my happiness over his.
Fast forward 2 years from then, we were better than ever! Everything that happened in our first year of being together had given us the strength to overcome many hurdles we put on ourselves. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel was a possibility. Especially when I fell madly in love with him because of his patience with me and the effort he had put into making our relationship work.
I took a pregnancy test 5weeks ago. It was positive.
I started a new job as a casual and applied a few weeks ago for a full-time permanent position. Last week I received the news that I was the successful applicant. Therefore, the idea of terminating this 2nd pregnancy was ideal for me as I wanted to take this new job seriously. Not only that but I want to see what this world can offer me. I want to travel and do things. I want to buy a house. I want to be financially stable.
My partner sees things differently as he is once again, persistent of keeping this baby. He tells me I’m weak because I’m choosing to run away to an easier option out of this pregnancy. I have different views.
It is now hard to see if we will have a future from now on.
And so here we are again.
Not on the same page OR
Maybe running out of pages.
TBC
