My abortions gave me a chance to thrive

by Sara Marie

July 19, 2019

At 18 I was in my first semester of college. I was on birth control. I caught a cold and the campus dr prescribed an antibiotic. No one told me that I should use additional protection. My monogamous boyfriend came to visit and we had what we’re believed to be protected sex. That month I grew tired, napped daily, was hungry all the time and the day my period was late, I knew. I called planned parenthood and it was prior to their defunding attacks. The gave me half the cost (420$) of my abortion as a FREE loan to be paid back if and when I could afford it. I was a full time student and didn’t have a job that semester. I kept every dollar from my bank account and all my birthday money and barely was able to afford the procedure. I was given oral pills and a suppository. I was screamed at by strangers. I spent that evening in so much pain; emotional and physical. I silently wept as my family (who I felt I could never tell) sang me happy birthday and I passed blood clots onto a maxi pad. My would have been baby daddy cheated on me the next month and left me despite my begging we stay together. Three years later he had a schizophrenic break, attacking his friend with a hammer, almost hitting his spine and leaving him inches away from what would have been certain paralysis.


I dated a guy after that on probation for possession. He was kicked out of his parents home and despite knowing we weren’t a great fit I felt responsible for him. I worked nearly 40 hour weeks while finishing my bachelor’s degree at 18 credits a semester. He had erectile dysfunction and I was laced in my birth control schedule. I was pregnant for a second time with totally different presentation & only suspected it when I cried about adorable puppies on animal planet. This time I had the surgery. A nurse at planned parenthood held my hand the whole time. I left that boyfriend, graduated and worked in mental health. At the homeless shelter for children numerous kids showed me what it looks like when a person had a baby out of expectation not desire. 9/10 kids were dropped off at the shelter by parents saying,  “I’m done.” The kids often entered and aged out of the foster care system. They struggled with mental health, addiction, poverty and risk seeking behavior.


I will never regret having been unready and knowing it. I will always be grateful that now I am able to pursue a family on my own timeline with a partner who will be an excellent father. I have all the admiration for anyone who makes a different choice, because being able to control my reproductive destiny has made my life worth living. No amount of words can encapsulate the gratitude I feel for planned parenthood. Without their judgment free support I wouldn’t be able to work toward my dreams and be on my way to earning a masters degree,  married to a man who truly loves me and treats me well. I fear for future generations if the attacks against reproductive freedom continue because without the ability to chose my life wouldn’t be mine.

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