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My abortion was the first time I chose to support myself

by Renée

May 24, 2019

Growing up with an abusive father, lead me to date some questionable dudes when I was in my early 20’s and make some questionable decisions with said dudes. When I was 24, I started sleeping with a very toxic ex again and I got pregnant on Mother’s Day (5/15/2006). We had used a condom, but it broke. I had taken plan b, but it failed bc I was ovulating. I was currently waitressing and trying to figure out the direction for my life, not preparing to settle down and have a kid. I was trying to figure out how to launch out of my hometown and some unhealthy relationships! The dude was/is a total self-serving asshole, but was also the first person who said they loved me. We were on and off again, but usually sleeping together a few times a year for the past 5 yrs. When I told him I was pregnant, he thought I was lying. When I showed him the positive tests and that I’ll be going to planned parenthood and was thinking about getting an abortion, he said I was doing this all for money. Like I said, he’s a jerk and he didn’t have any more money than I did. But knowing the pain of growing up with a father who doesn’t treat you well, I couldn’t knowingly subject a child to that. I felt barely capable of taking care of myself and overwhelmed by trying to start adulting-I was in no place to be someone’s parent! So I scheduled my abortion at planned parenthood at 8 wks into my pregnancy. A week later, planned parenthood called and said they didn’t have enough appointments to warrant a provider to come that week so we needed to reschedule to a few weeks from then. I was 9 wks pregnant and they wouldn’t be able to see me until I was 12wks and they couldn’t promise they wouldn’t cancel again. They recommended that I see a community-based ob/gyn who provided abortions. Having three attempts of birth control fail, I started to wonder-am I supposed to have this baby? Luckily my inner voice said “NO” loud and clear. I worried what my mom would think or if she would be disappointed and thought, maybe if I have a baby the dude will be nicer, and isn’t it a sign that the baby is due near Valentine’s Day? I just kept coming back to this feeling of ‘no, this isn’t the right time, choose for yourself and you alone.’

So, I scheduled my appointment at the ob/gyn in the community. Had extremely caring and kind staff. My abortion was uneventful outside for the fact that the song “afternoon delight” played during the procedure.

 

13 years later, I am still glad I chose to have an abortion. In that time I’ve moved across the country, completed a doctoral degree, traveled all over the country and the world, and have done a lot of therapy to address the wounds I sustained as a child. I may regret sleeping with the dude 13 yrs ago, but I have never regretted my abortion.

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