When I was 20 years old I found myself in a very lonely and scary position of being pregnant. The father was a good friend of mine. At the time the only option for me was to terminate the pregnancy.
Since I was a child I had always wanted children and to be a mother. So the process of saying goodbye to my baby growing inside me was SO hard. I struggled for a very long time after with what I had done, even now 15 years later the grief comes in waves. The darkness and the pain in the months following were some of my hardest days. I wish more than anything that during that time I had felt supported and cared for, instead of alone and scared. I gave my baby a name. I felt it helped me in grieving and that it was a way for me to honour her life.
To be honest looking back I wish I had never done it. But then I realise that I probably wouldn’t have the children I have today, and they are my world and my reason for breathing, living and smiling each day. Life is all about choices and at the age of 20 the choice I made was right for me then.
To all the people out there going through something similar….Please tell people. Your parents, your friends, a councillor. Whoever you need to tell, do not do it alone and silently. I cannot emphasise enough how much you need people around you to love you and care for you. Xx
