We weren’t being careful – my husband and I. I didn’t expect to get pregnant. He didn’t finish inside me, and after 13 years of having sex together, I just didn’t think it would happen without careful planning. When I took the test after being 3 days late, the first thing I thought was “shit”. There was no giddiness or glee; just the reality I was going to care for another child. We already had a 2 1/2 year old son, and I didn’t want more children. I had decided that before my son’s 1st birthday. I was happy with our life as a family of three, and dreaded the thought of that changing.
My best friend asked if I was considering termination, and while I’d always been pro-choice, the thought of having an abortion after already being a mother never entered my mind. When I told my husband what she said, he seemed upset, but later that day sent me a message with a link for Planned Parenthood.
The two weeks I had to wait were agonizing. It meant two weeks coming to terms with my choice – a choice that would irrevocably alter the course of my family’s life. This decision didn’t just affect me – I was taking a sibling from my son, another child from my husband, and a possible grandchild from our future. I felt selfish, and miserable, and kept hoping my body would miscarry so I wouldn’t be responsible for such a big decision.
Having an abortion changed our lives forever. I’m grateful I had it, but it was not an easy decision to make. I’m still cognizant of the fact that I’d have an 8 month old right now if I didn’t get the abortion. I hate that I had to have it done – not that I did it. And I’m angry with myself that we weren’t more careful.
