Married with kids & 40

by Anonymous

January 27, 2021

I had just turned 40, I was studying nursing and working part time. I was married with 3 sons & we had just moved out of nappies, of breastfeeding and night waking. I was ready to move onto the next stage of my life, both as a mother and in my career. Despite this I was very torn; we had only just said if we were younger or had higher incomes we would have had a fourth child.


I tried to get my husband to tell me what to do, but, ever the feminist, he said “My job isn’t to tell you what to do with your body. My job is to support your decision, whatever it is.” I then tried to justify it with what was best for everyone else, or what they would want. And my husband again was the voice of reason who said “It’s ok for it to just be about you, and about wanting to be more. You’re allowed to want to be more than a mother.”


Because of COVID I chose a medical termination because the clinic wouldn’t allow support people. The medication arrived and I didn’t know what to do. He came home from work and we sat and looked at the medication for a long time. And then I sobbed to him “Your job in this is to never, ever question what we’ve done. When I do, your job is to tell me it was the right thing and you cannot falter.” And he wrapped his enormous arms around me and said “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” And I took the pills.


The process itself was not painful for me at all, nothing more than an uncomfortable period. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my decision, and feel sad about it. But I am absolutely certain it was the right thing to do, and I’m grateful I had the choice. Choosing an abortion is the bravest thing I’ve ever done.

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