Living my life for ME

by S

November 9, 2020

Content Warning: suicide attempt

I was 16 and a depressed, suicidal mess. I was filled with so much anger and low self-esteem. I sought out validation from someone who never gave it to me. I lived for just a second of their attention. I was young and fell hard in “love” with someone who I thought was in return “loving me”. They didn’t respond to me one day and I decided to take all of my anxiety and depression medication. I later had a seizure and didn’t wake for 4 days. After my psychiatric hospital stay, I decide I wanted to live. It scared me that I wasn’t in control anymore after I took those medications. I loved my family and friends who truly love me. Shortly after returning home, I found out I was pregnant. I was upset but this wasn’t going to bring me to a dark place. I had an abortion and 4 years later I don’t regret my decision. I slowly had to let go of this toxic person and move on. It was so hard. To this day my emotions are all over the place towards him. I have to keep moving forward and don’t look back. 2 years after my abortion he had a child with a “friend” of mine at the time. It hurt so bad to see that. I questioned everything. What was wrong with me? How is she lovable? I hit rock bottom. I was so hurt.. but I wanted to live. I pushed to finish high school, I got some college classes done, I’ve worked multiple jobs to take care of myself. This is something I can be in control of. November 2020 I am working at my dream job, getting out of bed everyday, and counting all of my blessings. I will never settle. The next person I associate myself with will meet my standards and love me for me. Stay strong everyone.. I believe in you 💜

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