It’s not the same for everybody.

by Shawnese

September 30, 2020

I was an abusive relationship for a little over a year and half. I decided I was done with the abuse and left him. We never had protected sex and I never got pregnant by him. I left him in December. In February I woke up several mornings in a row to vomiting. I had already started to finish my senior year at college. I took 3 pregnancy tests and they were all positive. I was a mixture of sad, angry, and disappointed, but my sister reminded me I still had a choice. I knew I didn’t want to bring a kid into this world that would have an abusive father and likely a father they would never see. I was ashamed to tell my dad, so my sister told him for me. He had me schedule my own appointment in NC since SC didn’t really have an abortion clinic that was trusted and he said he would drive me. The day came, he drove me and there were 2 protesters outside. I was so relieved there weren’t more.

When I came in they took a blood sample and gave me what looked like tylenol or advil and said they would call me when they were ready. When my time came I didn’t feel any analgesia and the procedure was the worst pain I had ever felt so far in life.

Afterward I was depressed when I realized what all this child had already grown when I decided to have an abortion. I failed 4 out of 5 classes my first year back at college and to be honest there was only 1 teacher that knew what happened. She passed me with a C in the class (computer science) and told me I didn’t have to worry about the class when I told her. The others never pulled me aside to ask what was wrong. They just accepted that I was going to fail their class.

Eventually I graduated and got a job not with my major (psychology). Fast forward roughly 2 years post-abortion: I met this guy on tinder thinking “there’s gotta be more than just dudes looking for sex on here”. Sure enough I found this guy hanging from a tree as his profile pic, went a date and we’ve been together for 4 years so far. He knows about the abortion, my past relationship and is understanding when it comes to my negative moments and low moods. He is truly amazing. In all, having the abortion honestly helped me. I would’ve been a single mother still connected to an abuser that likely would’ve caused me to become clinically depressed. Everyone’s abortion isn’t the same and better pain medication beforehand would’ve helped, but looking back the experience was the right thing for me. I can only hope the process becomes easier to deal with by introducing mental therapy afterward, better pain management beforehand, affordability and education during sex-ed courses in school. It’s not something to be ashamed about especially if it severs a negative connection with an abuser.

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