It’s not easy but it was the right choice

by Anonymous

May 11, 2020

I got pregnant around 9 months ago. I love kids, I have always wanted them and I’ve been told all my life how maternal I am. I always thought if I wound up pregnant that I wouldn’t even consider an abortion and my very supportive and loving partner (who I’m still with post abortion) was on the same page….

That all changed when I found out I was pregnant. I burst into tears the second I saw those 2 lines appear in the toilet at work whilst on my break. I was in a complete panic, clueless and confused. I decided I wasn’t ready no matter how much I want it. It felt like wanting something really badly but not being able to have it. It was confusing. This is something I want but not just yet which was a really hard thing for me to come to terms with. It felt devastating but I knew it was the right thing for me to do and my partner was supportive no matter the decision I made.

A couple weeks later I had a medical abortion. The hospital where I live doesn’t offer abortions, so I had to travel 100km to the next town to do so. If I could have I would have gone surgical but the only hospital near me that offered abortions couldn’t do it on site as they were a private catholic hospital and weren’t allowed to.

It was really hard for me to take the first tablet, it was too personal for me. I tried so many times to take it before I actually got the balls to do it. It was a very sad and emotional time for me and my boyfriend and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

I’d never felt pain like I did after taking those 2nd tablets 48 hrs later. I was breaking out in a sweat, curled up in a ball in bed with my boyfriend trying to rub my back to help.

I feel grief, sadness, guilt, loss and relief. It’s hard when you feel all those feelings mixed together.

Looking back I know it was the right decision.  This was the hardest decision we have ever had to make and it always will be. This is something I think about almost everyday, but the difference is I can think about it now without crying all the time.

I regret that it happened but I don’t regret my choice

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