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It wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be

by E

February 28, 2019

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, around 8 weeks, I knew I wasn’t ready to take on this challenge. I knew I couldn’t provide for them or be a good mother as I’m only 19 living in half a basement. My boyfriend was willing to be a good father, but also knew we weren’t ready. My mental health declined rapidly throughout the pregnancy, not because I didn’t want to have an abortion, but because every time I tried, something stood in my way.

My first attempt was at 9 weeks, planned parenthood declined to see me after my phone call appointment in which they hung up on me. That made me think it was over and I could schedule the real appointment. I was wrong. My second attempt at planned parenthood I was around 11 weeks. They were overbooked so that’s how long it took for me to schedule another phone call. I was then told they were booked until mid January in which I would be too late to have an abortion. I was crushed, ready to end my life because I couldn’t take on another. I thought I ran out of options.

After some research, It turns out there was another place in my city and I scheduled with them right away. Their process was different. Instead of a phone call before your real appointment, you had to go in for lab work and counseling. They went over everything in detail of what would happen that day, comforting me and making sure I felt okay going through with it. I found out I was 14 weeks And 2 days, I set up my next appointment. Before the day of, they said they’ll call me with what time my appointment was. I did not receive their phone call so I called as soon as they opened the next morning. I was devastated to find out I wouldn’t have made it in time and had to reschedule. Once again my depression spun out of control. You could say it was a sign, but after the horrible luck I have had consistently through the past 4 months, I saw it as my luck only getting worse. My anxiety worsened because I figured the further I get, the worse it would hurt.

Thankfully and finally at 17 weeks, I had my abortion. I went in at 8am to get dilators inserted, I barely felt pain. I waited for 4 hours, gradually cramping worse and worse, though it did not compare to cramps I’ve had from my period. I chose a conscious sedation, which they gave me medicine in an IV not to knock me out, but make me unaware of what was happening. I felt no pain. I didn’t even notice they started and before I knew it she said it was done. I sat in the recovery room very loopy and dizzy, they gave me crackers, ibuprofen, and a hot water bottle for cramps. The cramps immediately went away. I had very little bleeding afterwards.

 

The next day, which is today, I still have experienced no cramping and have very little bleeding. I feel like myself again, I’m the happiest I’ve been in months, even before I found out I was pregnant. I am so relieved. The people there were very kind, gentle, supportive, understanding, and best of all they listened. They did their best to make every individual feel safe and comfortable. I appreciate them so much. I also appreciate the support I had from my boyfriend and the friends I confided in. One day I will be a great mother, but I need to get my life together before I bring one into this world.

No matter what your reason is, do not be afraid and do not feel so guilty. You know yourself better than anyone. You know what you can handle. This is your life, your choices, your freedom. Do whatever you think is best. No matter what you will always find someone who supports you, in anything you choose to do.

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