It was already decided

by Anonymous

January 11, 2021

My partner and I had discussed what we’d do if I accidentally became pregnant and had agreed on abortion. We’re both over 40 and did not want kids. I’d never been pregnant before, and haven’t been particularly careful either so it seemed an unlikely possibility.

At first we were very regimented with birth control, then slowly slacking off over the 5 years together. I thought I knew my cycle very well, but I must have ovulated early, and was late.

Although we had a plan and a decision in place for termination of the pregnancy, I’d always worried that if I’d become pregnant I’d feel *something* and would have a hard time with the decision. But I felt nothing – my body felt normal. I felt ridiculous shame buying a pregnancy test at the pharmacy, like I’d made a really stupid mistake, which I suppose I did.

The clinic was easy to get into, nurse and doctors were lovely. They confirmed how old the embryo was and sent me home with drugs to have the abortion when it was convenient for me. It was much more painful than expected – definitely NOT like a heavy period – but it was over in a couple hours and I had some T3s. I went back in a couple weeks, she checked that everything went well and fit me up with a free IUD as part of a gov’t program. I feel very lucky to live here and have these easy options.

I don’t regret it all – my only regret is deciding to tell my mother about it a year later.

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