Imagining what could have been

by Emma

January 26, 2021

My abortion was the right decision for me for so many reasons. And when I’m thinking rationally, I know that I made the only sensible choice. But, I can’t stop imagining how things would be now if I hadn’t made that choice. I had the abortion at 7 weeks; I’d be 16 weeks by now. I keep imagining ‘what if I was 16 weeks pregnant now’. Thinking about telling friends, having scans, asking for baby things for Christmas, preparing for a spring baby. I have anxiety with intrusive thoughts anyway, and I think that’s what these are. Just intrusive thoughts.

I’m trying to accept that this is a normal part of my processing the abortion. It doesn’t mean I regret it, or that I made the wrong decision, it’s just my imagination wondering about the path not taken. I wanted to share this in case any other women are struggling with these thoughts, so you know you’re not alone. Lots of love.


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