I Would have Committed Suicide…

by Anonymous

January 27, 2023

I fell pregnant at 25, contraception failed, etc. etc. We all know the story. I, of course, found out just a couple weeks after dumping my boyfriend at the time- because he was out of work, mooching off of ME, and refusing to get a job…. Hey dude, McDonald’s is a job too, and you need one. He didn’t like that, I said BYE. So any how, when I knew for certain I was pregnant I was HORRIFIED. There was nothing worse that could happen in my world at that time, than that. Living nightmare. I have struggled with debilitating mental illness for over 25yrs of my life now. I was still a MESS IN THE MAKING at 25. I had undiagnosed borderline personality disorder and I came from a somewhat religious background to boot.

My head was a battleground inside, the guilt (just for being me) was already out of this world…. I literally couldn’t handle this. I had to ask a nurse at Planned Parenthood to give me a hug when I went in for my abortion. THAT IS THE CRUEL GUILT IM TALKING ABOUT. If I had not had the option to abort; I would have killed myself. And if I had killed myself, I would not be the groundbreaking mental health advocate I am today. I do not regret it for a second. That poor child would have grown up with a severely ill mother if I had made that very wrong choice…A terrible mother. I made a decision long ago not to be a mother because of this. Now my life is not perfect, but I am able to help other severely ill people in ways I never could have imagined. I would rather touch thousands of lives than have taken that of my own and the tiny clump of cells that had just begun to form inside of me.

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