I still felt guilty despite knowing it was right

by Daisy

July 26, 2021

I was 22 and not in a serious relationship when I found out I was pregnant. I realised immediately as I could feel something was different with my body but was so early I was getting negative pregnancy tests. A week or so later I was still feeling strange so took some more tests which came back positive. I immediately went to the pub and had a few pints for courage and then called my mum to tell her. She knew I wouldn’t be happy and reassured me that I had options immediately and didn’t pressure me into answering any questions over what had happened. The next 3/4 weeks were some of the hardest of my life. I knew that I wanted and needed an abortion as I was in no financial or mental state to take care of another person so I felt like it should have been an easy decision for me. I quickly became very unwell with hyperemesis gravidum which led to me being hospitalised after 2 weeks bedridden and vomiting over 20 times a day. I had never felt more alone in my life as I did in those two weeks with no one to support me and in the end called my mum who drove over 200 miles to take me to hospital. As soon as I could get one I booked a medical abortion. This was not a particularly difficult procedure for me but I was still shocked at how emotionally draining and guilt inducing I found it. I have always been staunchly pro choice and don’t regret my decision one bit however I still have some guilt that comes from somewhere and I occasionally feel like a bad feminist for feeling so conflicted about my own experience.

This was nearly 3 years ago now and I am so grateful to live in a country with free and legal abortion as well as friends and family that support me 100%.

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