I know it was for the best, but I regret it everyday

by Didi

January 10, 2022

In July 2021, I found out I was pregnant, two months pregnant. I hadn’t been with the guy for a very long time, but I’ve known him for three years. He was nonchalant about it, I cried, screamed, begged and he didn’t care how I felt. He said that if I would keep it, he would not be the father, but the “cool uncle”. When he saw that I was clearly upset about it, he bought me AirPods as a “I’m sorry” gift..I had pressure from my family to keep it, I was feeling like a monster. A part of me always wanted to be a mother, partially because I raised my little sister, but I knew I couldn’t afford having a child at that moment, I didn’t have the right mental state either. I didn’t want to put a child in this world and make it go through what I went through.

I remember, when the abortion came, it was august, and I was on the table, waiting for the doctor to come in, they hadn’t put the sedative yet, I was crying every tears I could cry. I felt so lonely in the world, and I really wanted to die, at that moment. When the nurse and the doctor walked in, they proceeded to give me the sedative and some anti anxiety liquid. I felt really really relaxed but still anxious because I hadn’t even been to a gyno back then, and I’m also a victim of sa and rape. I was trembling, so I asked the doctor to guide me through, and she did, everything she was doing she told me. I got an IUD right after, like 30 seconds after the abortion. It was the best decision.

Yes sometimes I regret it, and I think about it every single day, but I also know that I was not ready. I’m not with the guy anymore, and that was also the best decision. I met someone who I fell in love with, and I’m willing to see where life takes us.

Take your time, and don’t let people tell you what to do. Listen to your heart and your brain.

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