Heartache on Earth

by Alyssa

February 5, 2021


My name is Alyssa. I had just moved to a new town my sophomore year of high school. This was in 2014. I was only 16. I met this boy who lived in my neighborhood, imagine that! He was the literal picture perfect guy every teenage girl fawns over. Tall, tan, dark hair and eyes that you could just get lost in. My first love.

We dated for maybe 6 months in total. On and off. It was toxic. I remember it being around Christmas time or maybe shortly after he had to get his wisdom teeth out. Well, he comes home from surgery and we’re hanging out, he’s still loopy from the pain medication. This boy looks at me and says “I want to have a baby” I really didn’t think anything of it because who wants to have a baby at 16. We were already having unprotected sex. February comes around and there’s this little coffee shop in our hometown that he would play chess at occasionally. I took a dollar store pregnancy test in the bathroom of that coffee shop. I had never cried so hard in my lifetime. We were scared. Ready to be parents though and take on the responsibility.

Let’s just say our parents were livid!! They wanted us to get an abortion the day we told them. We wanted to decide against it… well a couple more months passed. I was 14 wks pregnant. I found out some concerning things about the guy who got me pregnant and he was pretty upset and no longer wanted to be together. He told me to get an abortion, and like that idiot I was, I listened to him. I live with the guilt and heartache every single day. Our plan was to just tell people I miscarried but he told everyone at our school that I went and got an abortion behind his back which is a total lie because he’s the one who paid for the procedure. I was severely bullied the rest of my years in high school. There were girls who even wanted to fight me, over a decision I made for myself and what I chose to do with my fetus and my body!!

I’m 23 now. I’m married and have a 6 month old daughter. I still think about the fetus I chose to abort, but I’m older and now I understand it was the best decision at the time. I could have never gave it the life it would’ve deserved. I wish things could have been much different back then.

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