I could not afford the general anesthesia.

Two nurses held me down.

I was awake the entire time.

Two nurses had to hold me down.

Insured, but nothing could be documented.

One on either side.

[…She could not know…]

The doctor’s words sharp and direct, “You need to stay still.”

It was the right choice. 

“You need to stay still.”

Then and now and always. 

Two nurses held me down.

It wasn’t because I couldn’t afford the general anesthesia.

It was because somewhere along the way—

[…Actually, every, single, fucking step along the way…]

I was lead to believe that what I was doing was wrong.

Two nurses held me down.

 

 

…I have since risen.