Brigham Young University Student

by Anonymous

May 11, 2020

Content Warning: sexual and reproductive coercion

My abortion is this Saturday. It is my light at the end of the tunnel.


My university kicks out pregnant girls no matter the circumstance. In mine, the guy moved up from California to be with me and to date in provo. He was threatening to tell the honor code that I had been sexting someone. He had all the evidence. He asked me to perform sexual acts for him. I did. I would run to the pharmacy every time and get contraception (not cheap) and once I ran out of money, and he said he would buy it, he didn’t. He had told me he wanted me pregnant before… and I was just scared the whole time, until now, where I have finally broken up with him. He thinks I’ll be having a baby and he can have a thumb on me pretty easy from that point.


This abortion is how I make things right. This is how I gain my worth back as a human being. To sit back and let these things happen to me: be kicked out for an “honor code reason” which could be seen as cheating to other colleges, to be manipulated by this guy. He tells me he wants the baby and he doesn’t want me touching it, and that he will take me to court if I don’t give the baby up. He thinks he is pretty high and mighty.


I have been isolated. My “friends” or family who I wanted to talk to an abortion about so far have shunned me, and there are some I know I can’t talk to because they will feel “guilty enough” upon hearing to tell my school’s honor code and get me kicked out of college. I told my closet friend, and she said it was getting a little “weird” with us and she didn’t know if she could talk to me anymore.


This is my story of how I showed them I have the power to live my own life. No one can coerce me or take anything away from me. And, I am applying to new universities as I speak. This helped me take a lot of toxicity out of my life, and showed me the only person I would ever want to date is pro-choice. I feel like I have recognized the worth of me living, and gained the power to end a toxic situation that could have controlled me the rest of my life.


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