During the counseling section of my paperwork it asked "How do you expect to feel after the procedure?" I wrote FREE.
This morning I had my second abortion. The first one was four years ago, when I was 21. I couldn’t be more relived when I was brought into the post-abortion care room. Both times I got pregnant I knew parenthood wasn’t for me. Both times I made the call immediately after I had taken my test. I’m so grateful and fortunate to live near a small feminist clinic.
Both of my pregnancies were extremely hard. I’ve spent the last three weeks holed up in my basement bedroom fighting exhaustion, the worst breast tenderness, and 24/7 nausea that not even medication could lessen. These weeks have been difficult my anxiety has been through the roof wondering what may happen to me if for some reason I couldn’t be served due to whats happening in the world around us.
While I have temporally lost my job and there are million things to worry about, being this sick and pregnant couldn’t come at a better time. During my first pregnancy I had to work a service industry job everyday. I was too ashamed to tell my boss and afraid of losing paid time. This pregnancy however, I was able to stay in (as much that it wasn’t a cake walk!) and listen to my body and take the rest I needed. Now I couldn’t be more relieved.
During the counseling section of my paperwork it asked “How do you expect to feel after the procedure?” I wrote FREE. I know that everyone’s experience with abortion is different but I can’t explain how right this decision is for me. My partner and I do not want to have children and I’ve never questioned my decision. I journaled a lot after my first abortion and I remember writing “this was an easier decision than picking the next lipstick to buy.” I still feel that way four years later and feel that way now about abortion #2. Both of my abortions were painful during the procedure but I know how strong I am, among those who have had them before me and who will have them after me. I’m free to continue pursuing my dreams, I’m a daughter, a sister, a partner, a friend, a sober person, a graduate student, a survivor of many traumas, and a feminist. I am also someone who has had an abortion. Abortion gives me the freedom to continue to live my life to the fullest. I’m thankful for all of the providers out there who are working during this very hard time.
