Abortion after infertility

My husband and I battled unexplained infertility for about five years. After multiple rounds of IUIs and IVF, we finally were successful and welcomed our son in 2015. Two years later we tried to expand our family but none of the remaining eggs took. We closed this chapter on our life and decided that our life was complete with our one amazing kiddo. We always dreamed of having two kids and so it was sad when we realized that dream was over. Two years later, I got pregnant naturally. Since I had just started a new job and am nearing 40, we decided to end the pregnancy. It was one of the hardest choices we have ever made. Four months later, I find myself pregnant again and scheduled for another abortion next week. I’m numb and ashamed (I know I shouldn’t be but I can’t help it). It seems so unfair that we struggled for so many years and had so many disappointments and now I’m at a point in my life where I can’t see myself raising another child. I hope one day I will be able to forgive myself.