Here I sit at work in my office after having already taken the 1st abortion pill yesterday afternoon, wondering if I made a mistake. I cannot stop reading and searching for similar stories from women my age or even close who chose to have an abortion at 35 years old. Most stories I find or have found are of those who are teens or in their 20s. The few I found my age are successful or have a support system. My story is not as common. Newly single at 35 since throwing out my now ex boyfriend who was 37 about to be 38. We had a fight for him acting shady. Additionally, I had little to no emotional/mental and financial support since finding out we were preggo from both him or his family. I have no family aside from my mother who has been ill my whole life and cannot even take care of herself let alone her future grandchild. My mother and gynecologist who both met my now ex boyfriend and told me to have the abortion. I have a decent job but no apartment and will not be able to afford to pay for everything myself. Rent, bills, child care, clothes, food etc…

My now ex bf has no apt. he was living with me and my mom while “waiting to get an apartment” that he never got. He was working but did not pay rent while staying with us. That was my own fault because I did not ask him for money but he could’ve offered to pay rent or at least pay the utilities. Since throwing him out I finally looked through his laptop that he left in my apt and found in his history that in July he searched “rub and tug” massage places. In August I found that he searched and viewed escorts who “accept quick visits” and promise “good times”. What is Crazy is that prior to throwing him out I was concerned that our sex life had dropped in the past month. He kept reassuring me that he was not like that when I told him we haven’t been having sex as often and he better not cheat on me. It was hard to have a sex drive in my first trimester but he did not even try to have sex. I thought is was the hormones but it was my woman’s intuition. Meanwhile who knows if he was actually seeing these escorts that he found online and paying money for sex before he lost his job. I am getting tested again next week for all STD’s. To add more to this madness his recent online search pops up on his laptop through his Google account activity and he’s been searching both inpatient and outpatient drug rehab. He swore he did not do drugs anymore. How was I so blind to all if this???

This really is mostly my fault because we dated for 6 months only and I did not expect to get pregnant so quick. I’ve never been on birth control or been pregnant once since becoming sexually active as a teen. We both agreed that if i did got pregnant that we would start a family because we are not getting any younger. He swore to me that he would not be the one to ruin what we have. IF I ONLY KNEW.

After I threw him out I changed my cell phone number after having the same number for like 10 years. I blocked him on social media etc… After work I go home today and have to take my second dosage of the medical abortion pills. I have to take a total of 4 pills at first and then 4 hours later an additional 4 pills. Planned Parenthood told me that being 9 weeks pregnant it would amount to a 99% “success rate”. I hope that I do not throw up or that % will not be accurate. I’m totally freaking out because I never in my life ever wanted to have an abortion but how could but I have a child with a man like this? If I could afford and or at least have support from family or friends I would never go this route. I’m so heartbroken because I really wanted to have a baby and start a family. Did I make the wrong choice? Unfortunately, for me and my unborn baby who I will never meet now I will never know. Was it a he or a she? I am so upset right now that I cannot express my level of internal pain and it isn’t even “over” yet. When I get home I pray to not see the baby sac when I bleed out. I pray that the pain will be tolerable. I pray that I will be able to live with my decision because if I chose to keep the baby then that would be it’s father and I would be attached to my ex for life. I hope that I will eventually meet a good man and he able to have a healthy child in the near future before it’s too late. I hope that my story will one day help. Please pray for me.