2020 was a rough year, for everyone, for me especially, with a global pandemic, housing instability, part time employment without insurance. 2020 was also the year I had an abortion.
I’m in my late 20’s, for all of my adult life I’ve never had someone I’m close with confide in me that they had an abortion.
My mother has always told me she supports the right to choose, but she would never choose an abortion.
I had just started the pill again, and instead of waiting the full week to have unprotected sex, I just went for it. After that first month, when I didn’t get my period, I knew. I started peeing all the time, I was extra emotional, but I was also in denial. I didn’t take a pregnancy test. I just waited and hoped for my period, and then stewed in anxiety. About 8 or 9 weeks in, I scheduled an appointment with planned parenthood. There was maybe a sliver of an idea of what my life would be like with a baby, and none of it was good. I thought I had maybe wanted kids one day, but this experience really drove home that 2020 was not the time. I didn’t have much of an internal struggle. I knew what I wanted to do.
Luckily, my partner at the time was supportive and wonderful and spent the day with me while I took my pills. I won’t lie, it was one of the worst days of pain and sickness I’ve ever felt, but it was a small price for my autonomy and freedom. That relationship has ended, and it ended badly, I am thankful for living where I do, where abortions are easily available. As a “mother”, I was able to get emergency federal insurance to cover my abortion costs, since I did not have insurance.
My only physical reminder of this is an expired insurance card that says “Infant” with my last name on it. I keep it in my wallet.
My abortion is no secret to those around me. I don’t feel any stigma or guilt with sharing. Everyone has a different experience, but personally, I want to share that it’s okay. It’s normal. People you know get abortions, and it’s not always a moral dilemma. I wish I hadn’t gotten pregnant or needed an abortion, but again, I am so thankful I was able to.
